Lexi the Pilgrim

Lexi had a Thanksgiving Program at her school on the last day of school before Thanksgiving. She was a pilgrim. I videotaped the performance because J.J. was at work. It was pretty cheesy, but cute. (What first grade performance isn't?!?)

So... It's been a little while since I've posted anything on here. I've been a little busy trying to do EVERYTHING, that NOTHING is getting done. Am I the only one that ever feels like that?

I have been trying to start up a business, selling my caramels. Can I just say CHAOS!!!!!!! I am going crazy with all of the problems that I keep running into. I've tried a variety of things, only to realize I need to down-size and start with the basics. I am doing too much, with no time to do it. I have some stuff on etsy.com, but have decided to try to just sell caramels by word of mouth. So...If anyone knows anyone that would like caramels for Christmas give me a holler!

This is a crazy time of year anyway. For our family, it starts being crazy in October. The 26th is J.J.'s birthday, then Halloween is right behind it. In November, we are trying to make sure we get Christmas shopping finished, before the mad rushes at the stores, so I don't have to deal with traffic jams down the aisles in Wal-mart. (But something always is forgotten.) With Cassie's 1st birthday and Thanksgiving being on the same day this year, it kind of made it easy. (J.J.'s family was all gathered together anyway, and we put a candle in Cassie's pumpkin pie!) We did have a small family party with cupcakes before we went to Grandma & Grandpa Miller's house, though.

December started out with my birthday on the 2nd, and we only have three weeks left until Christmas! J.J.'s work Christmas party is tonight-no kids allowed, we're still taking Cassie with us though. I hope she's good. I am the room mother for Jason's kindergarten class, so his Christmas party is on the 19th (also my 10-year wedding anniversary). Our tree is up, and the outside of the house is decked out with Christmas lights. The kids have caught the "Moody Bug" that goes along with Christmas coming. (Do you know what bug I'm talking about? Maybe my kids are the only ones that are hyped up for the whole month of December.)

As much as I say how busy things are, I still love this time of year. I love thinking about all the things I am thankful for, my family being right at the top of that list. I love constantly baking for my family, especially baking the Christmas goodies with the kids. I have already had many requests from my kids for Christmas treats, and it's only the 5th! I love spending more time with my family, as we clebrate the holidays.

I love my family...

I know I put this picture on before, but I absolutely LOVE it! You can see all three of the kids' personalities in it! They are so cute. My children make me happy. I can never be angry with them for long. I get frustrated at times (what mom doesn't?), but it never lasts. Their spirits are just too sweet. I love that they are so quick to make amends when I am frustrated with them. I need to learn from them, and follow their example. I need to tell them more how much I love them.

We went to my niece, Kora's, baptism yesterday. It was wonderful to be there with her and her family for this spiritual time in her life. The gospel is such a wonderful blessing in our lives. I am greatful for the covenants we make when we are baptized, and am glad for the weekly renewal of those covenants. I do know that throughout my life I have always felt the Spirit there. Helping me, guiding me to know what things I should do. I love having the knowledge, that if I try to live the way I should, I can have the Spirit with me always.

Brandon

Yesterday was Brandon's birthday. It's hard to believe that that was nine years ago! He was here such a short time, it feels like it was so long ago! Sometimes it even seems like it was a dream. You know those dreams that you wake up from wondering if they really happened? It sometimes feels like it was something that I went through, but it's hard to remember details about things. I suppose that is just what happens as time goes on. You remember, but it isn't in your thoughts as often.



It is hard to imagine what it would be like to have a nine-year-old boy with Down Syndrome. Whenever I see a young child with Down Syndrome, I think of Brandon, and smile. They are such happy children, and are usually eager to share smiles with other people. I know that those families are going through tough times and have some major struggles, and I wonder if I could have handled that.

Some say that J.J. and I are so strong to be able to deal with the death of a child. I will say that it was a very hard thing to see and deal with. This story I am about to tell is about Brandon's life and death, and some of the emotions that I felt as it was happening.

Six weeks after being married, J.J. and I discovered we were going to have a baby. Brandon was born three and a half weeks early, weighing only 4 pounds, 2 ounces on September 8, 1999, nine months after we were married. After being fully dialated, they discovered that he was breech. The doctors prepped me for a cesarean section, while trying to turn him around, but he wouldn't budge. After only an hour and a half of being at the hospital, he was born by cesarean section. They laid him on my chest for a few seconds, before whisking him away to do all of the normal birth tests. He was my first baby and I wasn't exactly sure what was going on.

I was in the recovery room after the c-section, and my OBGYN, Dr. Crane, came in to see how I was. I remember him saying to me that he knew that our Heavenly Father had a hand in what had happened that morning, that he could feel the Holy Ghost prompting him in what he was to do, so that he could make quick decisions. At this time, I had no idea what was really going on with Brandon. All that I knew was that he was really small for how far along I was.

The pediatrician told us that he thought Brandon had a hole in his heart, and his lungs were underdeveloped, so he was on oxygen. We didn't even find out until a couple of days that the doctor wanted to send in chromosomal tests, because he noticed one straight crease on his palms, known as the Simeon Crease, which is a sign of Down Syndrome. They couldn't do many detailed tests on him because Logan's hospital just wasn't equipped with what they needed. So when he was five days old, they sent him to Primary Children's hospital in Salt Lake City. A couple of days later, we found out that the test results came back positive for trisomy 21, Down Symdrome.

At two weeks old, Brandon had a heart surgery done to repair an abnormality in his aorta (the part that branches off of the heart and allows the blood to go to the rest of your body). He recovered form that nicely and was working on eating properly and gaining weight. He was able to come home from Primary Children's at the end of October, just in time for Halloween. We were able to spend that holiday and Thanksgiving, and Christmas with him. He was able to meet most of his aunts, uncles, and cousins at the time and got to know his grandparents.

On our one year anniversary, J.J. and I took Brandon back down to Primary Children's because his doctor was worried about his heart growing too big too fast. He wanted them to just check his heart out with their better equipment. They admitted him, saying they wanted to keep him over night-which ended up being longer than that. Brandon started going down-hill after that.

We went to Salina for early Christmas morning, and then went right back up to be with Brandon on Christmas day. I think he knew that that would be his last day here, on this earth. He reached his arms up and gave me a hug that night, not long before we left to sleep at Rob's (J.J.'s brother's) house.

Around 1:00 A.M., we got a call from Primary Children's telling us to get over there, because Brandon was not doing well. I knew instantly. I don't think that I have ever felt that close to heaven. I don't know how to explain the feeling that I felt. Calm, peace, reassurance, and more. Rob came with us, so that he and J.J. could give Brandon a blessing. We started driving, and I just had this overwhelming feeling. I had been pleading with the Lord to let us have Brandon with us for at least his first Christmas. He had done his part, I knew. I prayed to our Father in Heaven to let Brandon stop suffering and take him back to be with him. I immediately felt Heavenly Father's arms wrap around me, probably Brandon's too.

When we got to the hospital, he had already passed on to the other side of the veil, for which I am eternally grateful. I don't think I could have dealt with being there to see him struggle. The nurse who was assigned to him that night was balling in the other room, really shaken, and had already given her notice to the doctors that she would not be returning. I don't know what I was thinking, or what had come over me, but I really felt that I needed to talk with the nurse. I think she thought that I was going to yell at her for not taking good care of my son and letting him die, because she didn't want to see me. I finally convinced her to see me, and I thanked her for being with my son while I could not. I remember the look on her face, as she stared at me with her jaw open, as I told her that he was no longer suffering and was in a much better place.

After that night, most things that happened for the next few days are kind of a blur. We attended the temple twice that week, once before Brandon's funeral, and once after, going through with Sarah (J.J.'s sister) as she got married.

Sometimes I miss the "spiritual high" during that time. My testimony of our eternal life grew tremendously during that time. Not to mention my testimony of fasting, prayer, temple attendance, and pretty much everything. What kept me going after that, was knowing that if I remained worthy, I would be able to raise Brandon one day. Brandon had the sweetest spirit. I believe he touched many people's lives, almost as much as mine and J.J.'s.

The New School Year!

Here are pictures of my two school-loving children! I cannot believe how much these two love going to school! Lexi has just been enroled in an after-school gifted program and Jason loves his all-day kindergarten! This is a big year for both of my kids. They are growing up so fast!

Lexi and Jason on Lexi's first day of school. Jason started kindergarten a week later.

Lexi's first day of school!

Lexi and Jason's school, Sunset View Elementary.

All three of my cuties!

Jason's first day of kindergarten!

The last two weeks have been busy in our house! Last week, Lexi started first grade at Sunset View Elementary, right behind us. This week, Jason started kindergarten. He is in all-day kindergarten and loving it! Both kids are loving that they get to have multiple recesses and get to eat lunch at school! I can't believe that my kids are old enough to be in school! Boy, does time fly by! Our house is really quiet during the day with just me and Cassie there. She does keep me a little busy, now that she is crawling all over the place, and trying to stand up to everything.

Last night was Back-to-School Night for the kids. We met Lexi's first grade teacher (who looks like she's sixteen), and made an appointment to have Jason's Kindergarten Assessment done on Monday. (Each kindergartener has to be assessed before they tell you what class he'll be in: Morning, afternoon, or all-day.) I think it's wierd to not know until right before school starts, but I don't make the laws here, unfortunately!:) Both kids are really excited for school to start, and I'll admit, I'm a little excited myself. My kids are getting so big, though. I do have some mixed feelings about both Lexi and Jason being in school.

I love how silly my kids can be! Even Cassie!

Here are pictures of Jason's Birthday that he wanted me to put on here. He is turning into quite the big boy. He is always trying to make everyone laugh, but is so sensitive about everything. It might be the age, though. He is into anything BOY, especially transformers and action figures of any kind, really.

Jason picked his birthday cake. He said that he wanted a plain chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting, colored sprinkles, and a 5 candle. (We only have a lifetime supply of birthday candles, but he had to have a candle in the shape of a 5) With such a simple request for a cake, I couldn't refuse the "5" candle.

He actually wanted everything very simple for his birthday. Just plates and napkins with Happy Birthday written on them, and some streamers and a couple of balloons. I actually got lectured by Lexi because I wan't making his birthday fun! (This coming from the six-year-old-Hannah-Montana-Birthday-Party thrower.) She couldn't believe that he wasn't even having a pinata! I have a feeling I am always going to have to go all out with birthdays and holidays with her around!

Lexi, being a cutie pie!

My baby girl is getting so big!

These are my favorite! J.J. was changing the oil on my van and Jason wanted to help soooo much! He had these tools in his hands the entire time!

Not much is going on in our family right now. We are very anxious for school to start. Lexi will be in first grade and Jason will be in Kindergarten this year! I will only have Cassie left at home. That will be DIFFERENT! Lexi has been saying all summer how much she misses going to school. So, we've been doing a little bit of "school" occasionally this summer, nothing too structured, just practicing. Cassie is close to crawling, but thankfully, hasn't gotten the hang of it YET. She spins around in circles on the floor, and is so cute when she does it!

In June we were able to go to Yellowstone for the Miller family reunion. We had so much fun! Here are some pictures from our trip.

Jason, waiting for Old Faithful. Cute!

Old Faithful!

How cute are they?!? They are so nervous because there was a herd of buffalo walking through right in front of us. They didn't want the buffalo to get too close! (Not that I blame them!)

Welcome to our blog!

I decided since I know so many people blogging that I should try it out for myself. I should warn some of you active bloggers that I have never done anything like this before, so I don't know how long it will last or how frequently things will get added. I am very excited to try this, though! It should be fun!